Ok I need to say something
And this is really hard
You know in situations like these
It's best to just take a deep breath and say it
Grimaldi's pizza's slightly superior than Lombardi's, you win
Never challenge me when it comes to pizza cause you will always lose
My dollar please
What's this?
Open it and see
It's a hair put
Matt ..
Saw it and I thought of you, Bee for Betty
The stones aren't real or anything
I mean they're real, they're just not .. You know ..
It's beautiful, I love it
I wanted to get you something in honor of our monthiversary
Has it been a month already?
You know, you don't always have to bring me back to Queens
Well that's where my queen lives
Dad!
Made by Nazel Nazelway@hotmail.com
I'm so sorry
I didn't realize you two were out here
Hi Matt
Hello Mr. Suarez
I was on my to the Bianco's see if I could borrow their cooler to go on this trip
I made them sugar cookies
On what trip?
My dad is taking Justin to a cabin in the Poconos with Elena and her nephews
Oh that should be cool
Yeah cool
Oh ok, I'll see you kids later
- Sorry - That's okay
You don't have to walk me all the way in
What can I say .. I'm a nice guy
Hey I had fun tonight
Oh me too
Thank you, thanks for dinner!
It was delicious
Papi!
Oh no! I'm so sorry
It's okay, I have a hard head
How are you doing Mr. Suarez?
Good, good, how are you councilman?
I'm good
Good .. Good!
Well I guess I should be getting home
I'll see you tomorrow
Oh ok, oh ok
Goodnight
Bye
Bye! For now
So another date huh?
Things are going good between you guys
I guess
Hilda, how was your date?
You guess? Why aren't you more enthusiastic?
Archie is a great guy
I know papi okay?
I like him, I'm just not sure if I LIKE him yet
Hilda, that's like saying you're not sure you like Sirloin steak, it's crazy
Mum, Do I really have to go camping with grandpa and Elena?
Yes! Elena's nephews are dying to meet you
And they planned the whole thing with you and Mike
They planned it with me and Mike to be at a spa
With mud baths and ginger facials
You're going
There'll be plenty of mud
Connor?
Okay guys, with Mode's first ever sex issue on the stand in just 3 days
It might seem like the hard work's over
But it's not
In order to get new advertisers and keep the old ones
We have to make sure our overnight numbers kill
That means using every resource we can to get people talking
You know, fire them up
Oh Daniel, we could do a tying with modernway.com
Bring it!
Great! See, that's an awesome idea
I think you people know how important this issue is
Pardon me, I had a late night
Here's some more coffee for you
You all know what to do, let's get to it
Ok, you are going to laugh
I just got off the phone with the Olsen's twins
Apparently they feel just awful that they didn't include you
In their big "influence" cokie table book
So they would love it, if you would be a part of their next book
"More influence"
Willy
Willy?
Oh my god, oh my god! She's dead, She's dead!
Stop your shrieking Marc, I was just taking a nap
But your eyes were ..
I haven't slept in weeks
I just wake all night, feeling so tense
Well naturally, look at your desk, it's a mess
Maybe something else is on your mind?
Yes getting a good night sleep is on my mind
I can't even take a sleeping pill because of that damn baby
Marc, I need help
Of course you do
And I am here for you
What the hell do you think you're doing?
I meant I needed you to hire a night nanny
Oh ok, well I'll get right on it
But Willy
Aren't there maybe some other night needs, that aren't being met?
Willy, Willy?
Agh, this is so weird
Hey Betty, I've got a web thing
What do you think about "fun sex versus boring relationship sex"?
You can write about all the boring things you do with what's his name
- Matt - Whatever
And I can write about all the fun things I'm gonna do
With whatever guy I meet tonight
How about the modern-day mating rituals
You know something a little less personal
Ooh you slut! Why? What are you hiding?
Matt's into kink isn't he?
Is he your loving pig? Does he like ice cubing?
- Ice what? - Cubing
No, Matt is into normal things I think
Oh my god, are you actually saying that you haven't tapped that yet?
No, but we're definitely headed in that direction
We just haven't got there yet
This is none of your business
But Betty you have been dating for like a year
- A month - Exactly
And he's a billionaire and for some reason he seems to be into you
What the hell are you waiting for?
Betty are you wearing the La Fleur?
Maybe ..
Ooh what's the special occasion?
Matt and I have a date and I was kinda hoping tonight will be the night
Hoping? if you're ready just tell him
Well it's not that easy, I mean I've never had to do that before
With Henry and Walter it just kinda happened
Oh yeah, well some guys need more of a push
Let me see your bra
What?!
Aye, papi jeez, you're going camping for two days not two weeks
I know! He can bring six cans of bug sprays
But I can't bring a blow dryer
There's no electricity
Oh dear god!
Hey we hit the road at 5am
You girls up for an early breakfast?
Well I know I'll be there
I have a date with Archie so I should be in bed by 9
Haha good! How about you Betty?
Actually, I .. Matt and I are gonna have a late dinner
That's alright, I'll just come in and give you a little kiss before we leave
Papi, I think that I'm gonna stay in the city tonight
You know, get some work on my web article done
How can you stay in the city, you don't have a place there anymore
Jeez, papi, she's spending the night with her boyfriend
Even I knew that, she's wearing lip gloss!
Okay, I'll just see you when I see you, bye
- Have fun! -Bye!
Hey Daniel, can I ask you something?
What do you think of me doing a poetry slam?
Oh you're serious
Yeah I've been writing poetry for years
And I never had enough to perform any of it
And it's something I've always wanted to do
Then you should definitely do that
You don't think it sounds crazy?
I didn't say that
Hey!
Well seriously I think that's brave
You couldn't pay me enough to get up in front of people and perform
Why?
Just a horrible scarring, High school rock band experience
Oh my god! You were in a band? What did you play?
Guitar, sort of, I thought I was really good, I was really bad!
What happened?
Umm I had to write this incredibly cheesy song "Crash and Burn" it was called
For the battle of the bands at school
I was laughed off the stage
You would've laughed too though, especially if you'd seen my hair
I wanna see a picture
Oh no forget it, I don't wanna ruin your perfect image of me
Too late
Ok, Mr. protégé piano guy, how's this one?
That was it, that was it! That was a perfect A-flat
Shut up! You're a bad liar
No, I'm not lying, I'm still deafened from when you did your C-sharp
Hey!
Guess I should get you a cab
Or I could come upstairs and take a peek at your new wall color
Hahaha .. That's funny, oh wait here comes one, taxi!
No, Matt, I'm not expected home ..
There you go, alright I'll call you later, bye!
That guy couldn't get rid of you fast enough!
Thanks Archie that's sweet, ok, talk to you later
Agh, what kind of a guy calls an hour after a date to say he had a good time
I think he's a little too into me
He spent all night touching my arm, and trying to hold my hand
Oh poor Hilda! Nice guy can't keep his hands off of you, how awful!
Excuse me, what is your problem?
My problem is that you've been complaining about Archie
Since the two of you started seeing each other
He's so into me, he calls just to say nice things
If it bothers you that much, then why don't you just break up with him?
Maybe you're right, I tried to do the nice guy thing
What can I say, he's just not my type
What are you doing home anyway, I thought tonight was supposed to be like the night
Well apparently, it wasn't
What happened?
Nothing, nothing happened
I tried to make it very clear that I wanted to stay over
And he just laughed and put me in a cab
Well maybe he misunderstood your signals
You're very subtle, that's your style
Rule number 1, never be subtle
I don't know, I mean, I think subtlety works sometimes
Yeah maybe 100 years ago, in like the 1950's
But trust me, these days, bolder is better
So what, a girl's just supposed to come out and say it?
You know, like I want to ..
You know, I mean not everybody can do that
Oh my god! Still dry in Betty county?
Still non of your business Amanda!
Exactly! Betty in honor of us once being roommates
I'm going to personally teach you how to be sexy
Well you know, as sexy as this can be
I will show you some of my no-fail moves
Admit it Betty, you need a little help in this department
It'll be great for our article
- Well - Woooo
Get ready, Betty, sex train is coming
Agh how lame
How cool, a poetry slam?
Yup Molly's super excited and I've been so busy
trying to keep this company together
I just really want it to be a great night for her
Well I'll definitely be there, I love poetry
It was one of my favorite classes in college
- Really? - Yeah
Maybe you should read this
I think it's pretty good although I'm not much of a poetry person
Softly caressing waves, good title ..
Wow, wow
Wow what, wow good or wow bad
Just wow! I'm impressed that Molly's reading this, it's very personal and intimate
It is? I thought it was about the ocean
Daniel, the ocean is a metaphor for you and her, and the two of you ..
Softly caressing ..
Wow, I mean I totally missed that, are you sure?
Pretty sure, I lay my head on the soft pale sand breathing in his salty scent
Is that supposed to be my chest?
And I'm pretty sure that the rock is your head
How do you know it's my head?
Cause it's crying?
What? Rocks don't cry
Wow, it's so weird to be back here
I know right? I miss the me it was with us
Okay, we're ready for operation Betty sexification
Amanda, I thought it was just gonna be us girls
- It is - You can thank us later by taking us to lunch
Agh, this is an impossible deadline
Matt's gonna be here in two hours
God, where do we even begin, look at her
Umm yeah, this is a toughie, we have to stay calm
The key is to come at your target using all six senses
Sound, smell, taste, touch, sight and style
Well technically style is ..
Shhh! We have to work fast and furious if we're gonna make it in time
Now, pay attention
First sense sound
Next sense, smell
Taste
Show him your lips are available and open for business
Eat slowly and seductively
- Touch - Ignite his pleasure center with a soft graze
Sight and style
Now the art of the seductive hair flick
Ok, put this on
- Now, what about those braces can those come off? - No
Can we at least lose the glasses?
I kind of need them to see
My concern is what he's going to see
Oh and don't forget about this
A ladle? What's this for?
You'll know when the time comes
I can't believe I'm saying this but Betty Suarez is getting some strange tonight
- Hey thanks guys - Go get him tiger
Where did he go?
Where are you?
Who the hell are you?
I'm your new night nanny
The new night nanny?
What was that brawling?
Oh I was reading William Goldilocks and the three bears
I guess I got a little roarrr, carried away
I'm Sorry if I woke you up
I'm James by the way
Carry on James
This place is even better than last night
We'll have two orders of that please
You have got to try this dish, it's killing
Oh?
Don't move, you just look really pretty in that light
Oh thank you
And now you moved and it's gone
Kidding it's still on
Listen Archie, I think maybe ..
Archie? Archie I thought that was you how are you?
I'm, I'm good, real good
Hilda, this is Felicia, she and I used to be neighbors
Oh well we used to be more than that
Biggest mistake I ever made was letting this one slip through my fingers
I thought I take a little break to make you flash cards and seduce you
Oh god I love your chest so warm and cozy
So I finally had a chance to read your poem
You did? What did you think?
Yeah it's great
Had some thoughts from an editorial perspective if you want
That would be great, I would love your professional opinion
I'll go grab it
Got it right here
Wow you made a lot of notes
No no, I just kinda jotted down some ideas
Like um, instead of softly caressing,
Maybe the waves should be hard and crashing
And should this rock really sprout tears?
It seems exaggerated
I mean I would buy it if the rock maybe shed a single tear once
Or you could just lose the image all together
Ok, you wanna tell me what this is really about?
I know this poem is about us, you know ..
Having sex ..
Yeah .. So?
So you're gonna read this in public
Like in front of people I work with, it's embarrassing
I see
Well the last thing I wanted to do is embarrass you
Molly come on
No it's fine, I'll just read something else
I should get back to work
You always did know how to make me laugh
I swear the biggest mistake I ever made was letting this guy slip through my fingers
Yeah, you mentioned that
Felicia, maybe we should get started on our food before it gets cold
Oh my god! I didn't even notice, what a jerk
- It was so nice meeting you - Yeah, you too
Call me sugar
I'm sorry, Felicia is a bit of a talker
I know! I was like hello, we're on a date here
Come in!
Hello
Oh hey Matt I'll be right out I'm just changing out my work clothes
Okay
Wow this place is cool
Now I can see why you were so bummed out when you had to give it up
Uh, you know we should really get going if we're gonna make that movie
What's your hurry soldier?
Wow you look great, but the movie starts in like 20 minutes
You should probably get dressed
Actually, I was thinking
Maybe we could just stay in tonight and relax
Oh I made mojitos, want one?
Uh, I'm not really a mojito kinda guy
Oh okay, well then, we could just get comfortable
And sit, we could sit
Oh look what you found
Sorry, here
We should probably just go to that movie
Or we could stay here and you know, be together ..
Betty, I can't do this
Matt, where are you going?
Betty I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me
- Wow, that was .. Wow - I know
- I did not expect that to happen - Me neither
I .. To be honest I actually thought you were gonna break up with me
- I totally was - You were?
Yeah, if Felicia hadn't stopped by and interrupted me,
This evening would've gone a hell of a lot differently
So what made you change your mind?
Huh? I don't know
You weren't gonna give me a chance until you saw another woman was into me
What? That is not true
Okay, alright maybe it is a little bit, I usually go for that kinda guy, you know
Right .. So do I need Felicia to interrupt everyday to get you in the mood?
Cause that would be, you know, pretty complicated foreplay
No, but a little tattoo on your back wouldn't hurt
You know what, I'm gonna go
Excuse me what just happened here?
Thanks for a memorable night
I was just kidding
So that is your idea of a qualified child care professional?
Oh my god, he's completely qualified
He's a former model and he's done diaper commercials
Ok honestly, I thought that manny poppins might help you get your groove back
You know, so that you can sleep better
What are you implying? My groove is perfectly fine
Willy, I keep your appointments remember?
And I haven't scheduled you for one of your weekly "carwashes" since before Connor
And .. I just thought that James could wash your car for you
It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard
Oh come on, he's totally hot, he looks like Taye Diggs
What is it with white people and Taye Diggs?
Fine, I will call another nanny
Wait, he does already know the apartment
So he can stay .. For now
Oh and book me a Brazilian with Jonny
Oooh
Completely unrelated
It went horribly
What? Our moves didn't work? Impossible
Those moves are fabby
You must've done something wrong
Did you do the hair flick?
Or use the ladle
Guys don't worry, it wasn't your moves, it was me
The whole night was a disaster
I practically threw myself at him and he ran out the door
Running away from a girl screaming? That sounds like my prom night
Oh My god he's gay
- Or a virgin - Or a woman
Umm that feels right
Well, I just, I wanna talk to him about it
But I can't because he just texted me and he's working through lunch
Um, that does not fly with me
If I were you I would march over to his office right now
And give him a piece of my mind
Oh Betty's not the type to do something like that
You know what, I'm going to
Wow, aren't you full of surprises
I just .. I can't take another second of replaying last night in my head
I'll go nuts, I just need to talk to him
Right after you buy us lunch
That's Matt's building
I don't know what I'm gonna say to him
What am I gonna say to him?
Oh well you better think fast cause Richie Rich just left the building
No, Amanda!
Someone's not working through lunch, we should follow him
No guys, I'm not gonna do that
Well if you don't, then we will
No, no, Amanda, Marc!
It's kinda silly, guys slow down
Oh god
This is stupid, why are we doing this
I know, I just wanna finish this episode of mex in the city
And get something to eat, my stomach is eating itself
The bagel has landed
Hey
Oh-my-god, he is totally two-timing you
There must be an explanation for this
Agh, let's get this show on the road, I'm starving
Betty?
Betty what are you doing here?
Oh it's a beautiful day
Matt, hey, hi
I didn't mean to follow you
I'm just still a little confused about last night and ..
If you're with her that's fine, I mean it's not fine but ..
Oh god, I wish I wasn't here right now
- I'm Helen - My therapist
Why don't you join us?
Betty sorry I said I have to work through lunch
I just needed to see Helen
I don't know what I'm supposed to say
You can say, or not say anything you wanna say or not say
Ok ..
So um, about last night
Look Matt, it was my fault
I was trying to push you into doing something you obviously don't wanna do so ..
No, no, no, that's not it at all
Matt, it's fine, just tell me if you're not attracted to me
Or if you'd rather just stay friends
No, I am attracted to you
Well then was it
Oh god, this is so embarrassing
Why?
Oh, are you a virgin?
That's okay I don't really have that much experience either
Oh no, I've been with women
And kind of a lot of women
And really lot
Wow
Look, look I know this must sound weird
It's just, I've been kinda lonely my whole life
In the past Matt has used sex as a way to connect to people
So I made a contract with Helen that I wouldn't be with someone
Until I really connected with them first
And .. This amazing thing happened, I met you
And I started having all these feelings
And then when the sex came up I guess I just .. I just panicked
And how do you feel now?
Calm, I feel calm
Good
I'm so glad it's out in the open
And Betty how do you feel?
Great, I feel ..
Strange
Matt's been with hundreds of women?
Well he didn't say hundreds but he's definitely pointing in that direction
Man what a dog!
Not really helping, I know
No you're not, can we change the subject
Your car's coming to pick you up to take you straight to the poetry club from here
Great, you're coming right?
Yeah, I'll be there, I'm excited to hear Molly read her poem
Oh she's not gonna read that one anymore
Why? It's so beautiful
I asked her not to
What?
Well you saw what it was about
I can't exactly have her reading stuff about our sex life in front of everyone I work with
Daniel, sorry to break it to you
But your sex life has kinda been on display for years
Come on, that's different
Why? Because you don't mind people knowing that you're a playboy
But you don't want anyone to know that you cry when you're with the woman you love?
Okay, you're making me sound like an ass
Well you kind of are
I'm sorry, but Molly's sick, and she wrote a poem about how much she loves you
And she's brave enough to stand up in front of strangers and say that
You can be brave enough to let her
So we talked it through and Archie's coming over
Hilda, you called a guy back and apologized?
Wow, you must really like this Archie
I know! Something happened last night,
It's like we really .. We really connected you know
Can we maybe not talk about sex tonight?
Oh honey, you and Matt you're gonna be fine
I don't know Hilda
I mean a couple of days ago I was ready to spend the night
And now I hope it doesn't even come up
Honey he talked to his shrink about you
Obviously you're important to him
It's just complicated, now I'm one of hundreds
I don't feel very special
Agh wouldn't it be great if all of life's problems could be solved with good hair
Alright cover up
That must be Archie, come in
Felicia, what are you doing here?
I came to tell you to back off my man
Excuse me?
I decided I want Archie back
Oh, sorry you can't have him
No offense but you can't stop me
Archie loves him some Vanilla ice cream
Okay you know maybe ..
Well no offense, but I don't think Archie's gonna go back to vanilla
When he has tasted hot, melted, caramel surprise
What's the surprise? Your fat ass?
- Oh No you didn't - No, no Hilda, she didn't mean that
Oh yes I did, and I also meant to do this
Oh bitch
How do you like that
- Hope you like eggs cause your head's about to look like one - No, no
Is that all you got?
At least let me get these eyebrows
You're gonna hurt somebody
Stop, stop!
Are you crazy?
What the hell is going on here?
It's so chilly in here, do you mind if I start a fire?
Sure
Oh it looks like you have a little something on your shirt
Oh I guess the baby spit up a little
It's no big deal
Oh nonsense, let me wash it, I was just about to do a little laundry
Okay
- Thank you - You're welcome, thank you!
Thank you, thank you
Hey hey, I'm really glad that we talked with Helen today
I mean it was weird, but I'm glad
Yeah yeah me too
Who's that?
Oh she works at the coffee shop near my apartment
Hey hey, it's the only place I know her from in case you're wondering
What? No, no, I wasn't wondering anything
Your shirt will be done soon
So in the mean time why don't we ..
- Are you okay? - I'm fine
And there I sit wrapped oh so tight against the night
In my insecurity, like it
Molly, hey I'm so sorry about what I said before
This poem you wrote is beautiful and it's touching
And I'd be so proud to hear you read it tonight
You would?
Molly, you're up
Get em, take it
I'm just so angry at myself I knew I shouldn't have let Connor in
It was against every instinct I had
Now I can't get his stupid face out of my dreams
Shh, that's it, that's it, let it out
I don't wanna let it out, I just wanna have sex
Uh, I didn't, I didn't ..
Oh just take your pants off
I don't think what you need is sex
What I think you need is to find a way to close the door on this Connor guy
And focus on your baby
Well thank you James
I think you really helped me
And since we won't be having sex, now you're fired
Get out .. Out
Oh great thank you
Betty, Betty you're okay?
Sorry, I'm gonna go say bye to Daniel
Did you finally get rid of her?
Yeah and don't worry Felicia won't bother you anymore I promise
Oh I know
So what's going on here?
Yesterday you're not into me and today you're fighting for me
I thought I wasn't your type
Ok, I know it was a really dumb thing to say
Especially since my type hasn't really worked out for me so well
I just wanted to see what it would be like you know with a nice guy
Hilda I like you but I'm sorry to warn you I have a type too
I think I sorta go for the bad girls
You think I'm a bad girl?
Well maybe I'm a little bad but..
You loved it, two girls going at it over you
Please, I'm a grown man, I hardly think I need to get my thrills ..
- You loved it - I know it was really hot
So what are we saying? We're giving us another chance?
Yeah
And oh by the way, I'm not always such a nice guy
I know
I'm home
Oh my god Imma start ringing the bell
I liked Molly's poem
Yeah
Does Daniel cry at work too?
Not everyday
So I guess I should get a cab
Wait Betty wait, I was thinking maybe you could come back to my place
See my new wall color, I mean if you want
Matt, I don't know
- You're freaked out - Yeah
I just .. I wanted to be special and ..
I'm sorry but right now I just .. I feel like a number
You are! Number one
- Come on, Matt I'm serious - No so am I
Betty, this would be the first time that I have ever been with a woman I really care about
So technically, you are my first
Aww, that's so corny and sweet
- I make myself nervous my hands are shaking - No, don't worry, so are mine
This one goes out to the woman I love
A classic from my high school battle of the bands
We're driving down the highway
Cold wind in my hair
Just me and my special lady
We haven't got a care .. In the world
But the road ahead's uncertain, there'll be bumps along the way
And I know there'll be some hurting so I hit the gas and pray
Well I don't wanna crash and burn
Don't wanna go too fast
Wanna be with you, wanna see this through
I don't wanna crash and burn
Don't wanna go too fast
I want to be with you
Wanna make this last forever
And ever my lady
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